Emmys Shit Talk: Navigating The Emmys Through FCKRY

Last night's ceremony was a theater of the absurd demanding many award-winning performances from the nominees. But there were triumphs.

During the SNL-style cold open of last night’s 77th Emmy Awards, host Nate Bergatze, Bowen Yang, Mikey Day, and James Austin Johnson launched the show with a sketch about the conceptualization of television. And, in a typically clever, SNL way, it acknowledged how there’s not enough glam or Carnal Flower in the world to diffuse the discomfort of 2025.

In the sketch, Nate Bergatze is Philo T. Farnsworth, the inventor of television. Yang, Day, and Johnson are his assistants. A tube blows.

“Do not get discouraged. What we create here will one day bring the world shows that inform and educate. Shows that make us laugh and cry. Shows about people who, when they go to work, switch to different people in their brains who only remember what happens at work,” says Bergatze as Farnsworth, referencing Emmy nominee Severance.

Yang, Day, and Johnson play straight.

“I dream that one day, there’ll be a channel for every interest. A travel channel for travel, a food channel for food, and a history channel for history — no, aliens,” Bargartze said, digging into the absurdity of today’s television.

“There won’t be history on the history channel, sir?” Day’s character responds.

“No. Just as there will be no learning on the learning channel,” said Bargatze.

“Then what will be on the learning channel?”

“Hoarders, people who eat couch cushions, Dr. Pimple Popper. All our fun stuff.” It was a pretty good way to mock our pervasive propensity for people who eat couch cushions.

The sketch continues, mocking that no one knows what producers do. Then, the sketch goes there.

“Television will have something for every culture. Networks like Telemundo for Spanish speakers. And B.E.T., Black Entertainment Television.”

“Will there be a network for white people?” asked Mikey Day’s character.

“Why CBS, of course,” said Bergatze as Farnsworth. Johnson makes a brief comment that misconflates whiteness with being Caucasian, which always bugs me because the twain don’t quite meet. But I digress.

Bowen Yang tries desperately not to break as he asks about a network for Asian people, and Bertgatze ignores him with, "What’s that? You asked about streaming?” The sketch goes on, mocking our collective ignorance and sexism. “We create a world where people watch on their phones while sitting on their toilets.” BOOM. “We will create a world where a woman will host her own late-night popular talk show, not in real life, but in a fictional show called Hacks.” BOOM, again.

Overall, last night’s Emmys were a sort of metatheater with most nominees, presenters, and winners having to balance the thrill of being honored through clenched smiles, as if the smell of dead rat vaguely permeated the room. Showbiz folks may come at life with a level of social and financial privilege few will ever experience, but they are human beings who work hard. This prom is just part of their job, and it’s televised. Some of them almost seemed uncomfortable with being there, realizing their accidental roles as the fiddlers we watch while our metaphorical Rome burn.

Bless him: Colbert being Colbert, managed to deftly navigate his role as show opener on the very network that just shitcanned him. He opened the show to a standing ovation: “Is anyone hiring? Because I have 200 qualified candidates who will be available in June. I also brought my own resume.” He then took his old headshot and handed it to Harrison Ford, asking him to give it to Spielberg.

What followed was a somewhat uncomfortable schtick that reminded us how much we now need the benevolent among the 1% to open their hearts and wallets to fund shit that helps us all. Host Nate Bargetze used his ersatz donation to The Boys and Girls Club in America to keep speeches short. He started with 100K in donation money and announced that, for every second a winner’s acceptance speech goes over 45 seconds, a thousand dollars would be deducted from the total. The amount would go up if you’re under. It motivated most folks to keep their big moment small, and others (like Hannah Einbinder) simply offered to pony up the difference.

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

The true triumphs came from the LGBTQ winners of the night. On the topic of Einbinder, though she’s a lead actor in Hacks, slotting her into a Supporting Actress category allowed both her and Jean Smart to win their respective categories. Not that she didn’t deserve her award (1000%, she did), this sort of category gaming is growing in popularity at these award shows.

She was one of a handful of winners who, even with the current, looming threat of travel limitations, used their acceptance speeches to speak out about the, um, current state of affairs. Einbinder did it most boldly with a hearty, “I just want to say, finally, go Birds, FCK ICE, and free Palestine. Thank you." In the press conferences that followed, she said a number of her friends were first responders caring for pregnant women and children in the war zone, and, as a Jewish American, she felt it was important to speak out.

Shit also got real when Television Academy Chairman Cris Abrego criticized Congress for voting to defund the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB):

“For more than 50 years, CPB has been the backbone of American Public Media, bringing us everything from ‘Sesame Street’ to ‘Mr. Rogers Neighborhood’ to ‘Finding Your Roots’ and keeping free local stations alive across the nation,” Abrego said in his speech. “And in many small towns, those stations weren’t just a cultural lifeline, they were the only emergency alert system families could count on,” he reminded us. “But at the end of this year, CBP will close its doors because Congress has voted to defund it and silence yet another cultural institution.” Cue the boos. He went on to remind us of the vital stuff. “For generations, artists have seized the opportunity to bend the arc of history towards justice. We must continue to channel that power. Neutrality is not enough. We need to be channels of empathy. Culture belongs to the people. We need to make room for more voices, not fewer. Let’s make sure that culture isn’t a platform for the privileged but a public good for all.”

In other news, The Studio and Adolescence cleaned up their respective categories, winning numerous awards. Those winners referred to kindness and compassion in their speeches without necessarily banging on the gong du jour.

In other moments of queer joy, the highlight of my night was watching Jeff “Boom Boom” Hiller win Best Supporting Actor for his brilliant work in the celebration of humanity that is Somebody, Somewhere (longtime MUTHRFCKRS know how I feel about this show). His win and his work alone are a triumph.

If this acceptance speech doesn’t make you well up, please check your FCKNG pulse.

Another highlight was Trammell Tilman’s winning Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series for his amazing performance in Severance. Believe it or not, he’s the first Black actor and first openly gay person to win that category. His speech was a delightful tribute to his first “tough” acting coach, his mom.

PS: If you want to know what empathy means, simply look into Aimee Lou Wood’s eyes at an award show as she watches someone she likes win.

Among a long slate of winners, Cristin Milloti also won for her work in The Penguin, which is worth noting because she is quite the talent.

Finally, Stephen Colbert brought the show home with his end-of-night Late Show Talk Series win. It seemed a perverse consolation prize for his series cancellation. His speech did us all the courtesy of going there, but graciously.

He said he wanted to do a late-night comedy show about love, but instead ended up semi-quoting Prince while explaining he made one about loss, because you love something most when you realize you might lose it: “My friends, I have never loved my country more desperately. God bless America. Stay strong, be brave, and if the elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy and punch a higher floor!”

Will do, Steve! So long as we can still reach the buttons.

xx

MF