On How 'The Bear' Nailed Ageism
Tina Marrero crying in The Beef is all of us.
In “Napkins,” the Ayo Edebiri-directed sixth episode of the current season of The Bear, we’re rewound to when Tina Marrero first tastes The Beef, heartbroken and dejected after another exhausting, fruitless attempt at finding a job. She desperately needs one; her rent just went up, her doorman husband isn’t getting a promotion any time soon, and she’s got an anime-obsessed teen to support. Tina initially approaches the endeavor with the gumption and faith of someone accustomed to resiliency. Depicted as an out-of-the-loop cliché she goes door to door, a stack of paper resumes in hand, only to be barely acknowledged by the much younger gatekeepers at the helm; one recommending she pursue a degree despite 15 years of actual on-the-job experience. The demoralization erodes her soul until she finally snaps out a “fuck you!” at a receptionist unwilling to meet her eyes at a now closed open interview.
If you can get past a couple of painful tropes writer Joanna Calo deploys in “Napkins” (the LinkedIn of it all!), you’ll catch the very accurate feeling that this kind of ageist bias, or “soft discrimination” (off-color jokes or comments rooted in stereotyping) against women over 40 is all too real. Beautifully reflected in Liza Colón-Zayas’s performance (Storer’s penchant for close-ups invites us to taste the disappointment trickling across her face), the actress recently told Vanity Fair she understood Tina’s invisibility all too well: “In being a woman of color in male-dominated industries—’not young enough,’ ‘the stereotypical Latin beauty,’ all of the isms, and being left out and not being included in so many rooms—I instantly understood Tina’s armor.”
Just like Colón-Zayas, Tina is great at what she does. She’s competent. Kind. Professional. She’s just the kind of co-worker you want to spill your guts out to in the break room if only she could catch a fucking break.
The nerve of gendered ageism is a reality we've learned to swallow and measurable evidence is plentiful: One report stated more than a fourth of respondents in their 40s and 50s have experienced ageism in the workplace. Black women over 50 reported the highest levels of discrimination, with Latinx and AAPI women right behind them. Gen Xers like me are in the throes of this but Millennials should look alive: Within 10 years, Gen Z will be doing all the hiring and Millennials will inevitably find themselves in Gen X’s aged-out shoes, having to consider a “third act” of some sort. More to note: Yet another study, just from Natixis, quotes almost half of Gen Xers (like myself) saying it would take a "miracle" for them to be able to retire.
There is this pervasive societal expectation you’ve personally and professionally peaked by the time you hit 40 but, in plain English, that’s bullshit. Women are professionally put out to pasture without enough money to retire, just our parenting duties subside and the time and energy to devote ourselves to our passions and ambitions are restored.
As with any poignant meet-cute, Tina walks into The Beef and stumbles upon Richie, Mikey, and the gang while seeking a cup of coffee, Richie hands her the cup with kind eyes, saying it’s on the house. As it turns out a sandwich order has no taker, so he gives that to her too. She goes to eat the sandwich in the backroom and dissolves into tears. Mikey is sent in to stop her crying and, within five minutes, two vulnerable people from disparate backgrounds with complex internal lives find emotional shelter in the humanity of the other. When she tells Mikey she was so focused on getting a paycheck she lost touch with the “hunger” of youth, she unjustly finds a way to blame herself for a society driven to conflate the value of youth and virility.
The cacophony of restaurant life Tina finds at The Beef and, subsequently, The Bear mimics the dimension most women in midlife hope to enter—one of renewed stimulation, appreciation, and acceptance in a place where you’re allowed to keep learning, your check clears, and your contributions are valued. Because Mikey took the time to see and acknowledge Tina during their brief yet deep conversation, he saw enough value and potential to hire her within five minutes. Neither believes there’s such a thing as a dream job: “That dream shit wasn’t going to happen to me,” she says. But eventually, when Carmy takes Tina under his wing, she discovers there is. She thrives under his and Syd’s mentorship because ageism on either side is no longer a barrier to their connection. Her passion, purpose, and excellence lurked just beyond her periphery all along. All it took for her to see it was being seen.
Meanwhile, I’m up here raising my hand like Horshack, trying to get a job. Who’s got a column for me? Crickets. That’s why I’m here.
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ILY xx
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YES to this episode and your insightful commentary.
Brilliant. I loved that episode because it was raw and real and your essay is profound. Thank you.