Sunday Shit Talk: Daddies Who Think 'Aging Is Hot'

Olds, never say die!

Shello and bon weekend!

“Aging Is Hot,” Says Cooper #1

Man, I remember turning 30 and how much of a come-to-Jezebel, you’re-not-a-kid-anymore moment that was. Once you cross the threshold into the big 3-0, blaming your FCK ups on your youthful ignorance becomes tragically passé. Women, especially (tick-tick), put so much pressure on themselves to get their asses adulting: to upgrade from a futon to a couch and a bed, to adopt a pet, to partner or not to partner, to become a bonafide professional of some kind, to travel, to breed or not to breed, to hone in on a vision of whoever the FCK you kind of want to be. They’ve just become aware of the passage of time in a significant, meaningful way.

This is why I sometimes tune in to Call Your Daddy—the megalith Gen Z go-to chat show podcast hosted by 30-year-old Alex Cooper (Sirius signed her to a three-year deal for $125 million). Cooper, for all her likes, comes across as the nice popular girl in the cafeteria who sunnily waves and says hi to her favorite art students and nerds. She’s also gifted with this unique ability to sit down with usually guarded celebrities, make them super comfy, and reflect what they say back to them in a way that makes them feel heard and compelled to spill some meaningful t.

The latest episode hath sprung out of Cooper’s come-to-Jezebel moment, and a need to reckon with her fear of aging.

Her thesis plastered on the wall directly behind her (note exhibit A, above), Cooper begins by telling her “Daddy Gang” demographic: “When it comes to aging and confidence, there are two ways to look at it,” she says. “You can look in the mirror and go, shit I have wrinkles now, and I’m not as young as I once was, and I will never look as good as I used to, and I need to do everything I possibly can to stop this. Which is allowing aging to completely destroy your confidence and ruin your life…”

Wow. Excuse me for a sec….

All right, I’ve just gathered myself. That was a little dramatic.

Then, she cites 30-year-old guest Aly Raisman’s way of looking at things: “You can do the Aly approach which is to look in the mirror and go, ‘Damn, look at everything I’ve accomplished, everything I’m equipped to do, and the amazing life I’ve built for myself. And it’s just going to keep getting better.’”

She kicks into high gear, incredulous that 13-year-olds are beginning 9-step anti-aging skin care routines, saying she didn’t even think about aging as a young teen: “I don’t even think I put lotion on my face in middle school,” said Cooper. “I used some water and a Dove soap bar and we kept it FCKNG moving. I didn’t even understand the concept of aging. Unfortunately, I just feel like each generation is just getting worse because of the accessibility to the Internet, all the procedures, there’s like 19 million products available now, anti-aging—the pressure is everywhere. Ironically, I realized it kind of takes like, aging and evolving to get over giving a FCK about it.”

This is reassuring because, as someone twice the age of this Daddy Gang, I was beginning to think I’d better pack it in. I mean, I have more than one wrinkle. If Cooper’s listeners truly feel this level of nail-biting terror about how it might feel to one day grow up and gather dust like me, I mean, what am I even doing here? The pressure is everywhere. It’s no wonder kids without even so much as a period fear the very distant wrinkle. They’re being told it’s what they fear most and Cooper, with her setup, just did it again. Aging!!!! Don’t do it!!!!

Fortunately, it dawns on Cooper that she is, in fact, young. She acknowledges having fallen victim to the patriarchal concept that her looks were her currency and the nonsense that, as soon as the youth was drained out of her appearance (despite her big buck beauty budget), her cup that overrunneth would be sucked dry as a bone.

To work through this existential fear, she culled portions of interviews with Heidi Klum (51) and Laverne Cox (52) to glean how hot women endure the passage of time in a society that is very rarely cruel to hot women of any age as long as they’re hot.

She began with Klum: “As women, we are constantly judged—the older that we get, the harsher the criticism becomes. Everything from how we look, how we dress, who we’re dating, what age we’re dating at. And men don’t experience the same ridicule that we get.”

Huh? What ridicule? I’m sure I’m ridiculed but it’s certainly not about those things.

In response, Klum threw up her favorite mini skirt example (How long dare you to bare those perfect legs, Heidi?) before saying she sees all her flaws (she says she needs reading glasses to do this) but truly, she doesn’t give a FCK. “I still feel OK with my legs so I go for it,” she said. “I don’t really care what people think or say to me. I really don’t.” What Victoria’s Secret model and network talent show judge ever would?

Cox, being a fantastically gorgeous trans woman who went through a lot on her journey to self-realization, had some wise things to say about self-acceptance while owning she feels maintaining her looks is about viability in the marketplace and feeling desirable.

Cooper ends the podcast by encouraging her listeners to develop things in their lives to give them confidence other than their looks, but here’s what bummed me the FCK out: Somewhere between that bar of Dove and the $125M, Cooper understood the levity of pretty privilege and that her audience would only latch onto reassurance about getting older from really pretty people.

Imagine how those 13-year-old listeners might’ve been impacted if Cooper chose a guest who’d never shot a fashion magazine cover for a living but still worked, still got laid, still felt joy, still felt hot, still had ambition, and, miraculously, still had a pulse. Wouldn’t that make getting older seem like something accessible to any 13 or 22-year-old listener—especially if she just spent her allowance on Botox?

Let’s Give It Up for The Other Daddy Cooper (as in Dale)

On the delightfully delulu tip, Kyle MacLachlan is my IG hero. He makes the IDGAF vibe of 65-something to revel in and look forward to.

Talk about commitment to the bit! The dude is out here mocking his spin as Trey MacDougal. In yet another post he wouldn’t let me embed entitled “You can take me hot(dog) to go 🌭🤝🥵🔥” MacLachlan lipsynched for his MUTHRFCKN life in a hot dog suit to Chappell Roan for the dad joke. Go there. Click on it. It’s unhinged, delightful to the nth degree, and a cautionary tale about aging for those concerned 22-30-year-olds out there: If you refuse to take yourself too seriously, aging won’t bite if you dare yourself to just do it.

Bless this mess!

xx

MF