Loved your essay. I watched the show in one night, which is something I never do. I found it brutally interesting and excellent, but Richard Gadd didn't do himself or Netflix any favors by telling the world this was a "true" story. In addition, as someone who was slightly stalked by an ex-girlfriend in the '80s, I think the first rule is--don't encourge the stalker. Don't invite them out for lunch and don't follow them home without turning off your cell (smile). I think it's a bit crazed how fans are wilding out online, tracking down the stalker Fiona Harvey and trying to find the abusive producer. Truthfully, in real life, I think Gadd's sitution is about to get worst. I'd also like to point out how funny it is that Andy Cohn found the series "too scary to watch" when his Housewives of Wherever programs are the scariest, most cringe shows on television.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read, Michael (and please forgive my delay in replying!). It's fascinating how this whole situation turned meta on itself. The very idea of the show provokes such an extreme reaction from people.
I watched this almost straight through, which is not to say it was breezy. Anything but. I identified on some level with both Donny and Martha and the loneliness was painful to watch. It was a brave piece of writing and Jessica Gunning (Martha) was amazing. I’d only seen her in comedy prior to this. I can’t imagine that was an easy character to inhabit.
The grooming episode had me stuck, open mouthed, while my partner walked away from disgust, I sat bothered but determined to keep watching as this person and many others fall into these cycles of abuse. It really fucked me up for a good hour after, stuck on how? Why? Omg! Anger sadness. I really wanted to see how he’d seek revenge on the pervy fucker!
Here’s the main message I’ve received. Some of us need more love and care than others due to the cards we were dealt. I am one of those people. Self love is important but gentle loving support is what was missing in my life as a child and I had no model for it. Everyone has varying degrees of deprivation of love and safety. All our experiences are unique. Mine was particularly violent not unlike Donnie’s. Those feelings are surging and I have only myself to turn to.
Yoko Ono has a quote used by the curators of her current show at the Tate Modern: The dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
I wrote this the other day with Yoko’s quote as a prompt.
This quote spoke to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of interdependence. IMO, the need for interdependence gets lost especially when we’re repeatedly told we need to love ourselves first. In my case I’m always playing catch up because of the cards I was dealt as a child. As an adult I’ve come to realize I require an abundance of softness and care. I actually learned this from my rescue dog Chico. He never had his mother’s love and needs it from me every time I leave him alone for even an hour.
Yes of course there’s the abused who abuses and the abuser who’s abused story. What’s at the core of it all? My first reaction after binging the show was that I wasn’t sure I got anything out of it except for nightmares and a deeper sense of self loathing. I don’t recommend it to anyone who’s not ready. I was on the edge of that…
Thank you, Josh, for taking the time to share such a heartfelt and insightful comment. Love that Yoko quote! Knowing our needs and how we need to be loved is key. The point you make about interdependence is vital—we, as humans, need each other and need to learn how to love and respect each other so much better than we do. Learning to love ourselves—and tending to our boundaries—is also a necessary part of loving others. I'm still working on it myself! Animals are the best teachers of successful interdependence, if you ask me. The relationship is rooted in unconditional love.
"Baby Reindeer really fucks with your head." Excellent summation.
Loved your essay. I watched the show in one night, which is something I never do. I found it brutally interesting and excellent, but Richard Gadd didn't do himself or Netflix any favors by telling the world this was a "true" story. In addition, as someone who was slightly stalked by an ex-girlfriend in the '80s, I think the first rule is--don't encourge the stalker. Don't invite them out for lunch and don't follow them home without turning off your cell (smile). I think it's a bit crazed how fans are wilding out online, tracking down the stalker Fiona Harvey and trying to find the abusive producer. Truthfully, in real life, I think Gadd's sitution is about to get worst. I'd also like to point out how funny it is that Andy Cohn found the series "too scary to watch" when his Housewives of Wherever programs are the scariest, most cringe shows on television.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read, Michael (and please forgive my delay in replying!). It's fascinating how this whole situation turned meta on itself. The very idea of the show provokes such an extreme reaction from people.
I watched this almost straight through, which is not to say it was breezy. Anything but. I identified on some level with both Donny and Martha and the loneliness was painful to watch. It was a brave piece of writing and Jessica Gunning (Martha) was amazing. I’d only seen her in comedy prior to this. I can’t imagine that was an easy character to inhabit.
Not at all! I wonder how she recovered from the role. Truly!
The grooming episode had me stuck, open mouthed, while my partner walked away from disgust, I sat bothered but determined to keep watching as this person and many others fall into these cycles of abuse. It really fucked me up for a good hour after, stuck on how? Why? Omg! Anger sadness. I really wanted to see how he’d seek revenge on the pervy fucker!
Exactly! The show certainly does its job, keeping us on the edge of our seat. Thanks so much for reading this post.
Excruciating discomfort is the perfect way to describe this show! I have a few more episodes to go, Jerome had to stop watching.
It's a wild ride and not an easy one, for sure!
Here’s the main message I’ve received. Some of us need more love and care than others due to the cards we were dealt. I am one of those people. Self love is important but gentle loving support is what was missing in my life as a child and I had no model for it. Everyone has varying degrees of deprivation of love and safety. All our experiences are unique. Mine was particularly violent not unlike Donnie’s. Those feelings are surging and I have only myself to turn to.
Yoko Ono has a quote used by the curators of her current show at the Tate Modern: The dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
I wrote this the other day with Yoko’s quote as a prompt.
This quote spoke to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of interdependence. IMO, the need for interdependence gets lost especially when we’re repeatedly told we need to love ourselves first. In my case I’m always playing catch up because of the cards I was dealt as a child. As an adult I’ve come to realize I require an abundance of softness and care. I actually learned this from my rescue dog Chico. He never had his mother’s love and needs it from me every time I leave him alone for even an hour.
Yes of course there’s the abused who abuses and the abuser who’s abused story. What’s at the core of it all? My first reaction after binging the show was that I wasn’t sure I got anything out of it except for nightmares and a deeper sense of self loathing. I don’t recommend it to anyone who’s not ready. I was on the edge of that…
Thank you, Josh, for taking the time to share such a heartfelt and insightful comment. Love that Yoko quote! Knowing our needs and how we need to be loved is key. The point you make about interdependence is vital—we, as humans, need each other and need to learn how to love and respect each other so much better than we do. Learning to love ourselves—and tending to our boundaries—is also a necessary part of loving others. I'm still working on it myself! Animals are the best teachers of successful interdependence, if you ask me. The relationship is rooted in unconditional love.
Chico agrees.
A friend just recommended this to me last weekend. Definitely intrigued after reading your post.
Circle back once you've watched a little and let me know what you think!